Heated debates about society's acceptance of gay relationships still continues until today. Although many know that the tendency of being gay is innate, there are many modern parents who still find it difficult to accept this fact when they discover that their child may be gay.

Similar to majority of the people who view homosexual relationships as an aberration, some parents believe that their child must have developed a type of psychological illness that would have led them down this road. There are also some religious parents who are convicted in the belief that homosexuality is an act of sin. Some choose to defend their stand by quoting the verse from the Bible: "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads." (Leviticus 20:13)

Although this is generally true for most traditional Christian churches, it is also interesting to note that there are some modern churches built by some Christian denominations that specifically serve the homosexual community.

Upon finding out that their child is gay, most parents often respond with shock, anger and rejection immediately. Some parents even feel a sense of loss and guilt for their children's life, which they perceive as "abnormal" or even "sinful". Another devil responsible for such labelling is the media. Most parents get worried about their child's sexual orientation because of published statistics of sexually transmitted diseases. For example, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) published a statistic stating that from the year 2005 to 2009, 52% of the AIDS cases in the United States involved the homosexual community. Which parent, upon finding out that their child is gay and seeing such figures, would not be worried?

Although the immediate reactions and emotions are common and completely understandable, it is perhaps best for parents to conceal them when they are in front of their children. Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, a professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia, commented that direct and open reactions may risk the relationship between the parents and children - the child is afraid that they will be disowned. Nonetheless, she also acknowledged that an honest discussion about the matter can be very helpful to demonstrate the level of concern parents have for their children.

Clinical Professor of Psychology from the University of Washington in Seattle Dr. Doug Haldeman also added that while parents can be concerned of their children's well-being, it is very important that they give their children reassurance. Not only should parents tell their children how they feel but they must reassure the concern by telling them that they are going to do the best they can for the family.

There will come a point of time when parents must learn to accept their children's sexual orientation. Before attempting to accuse the child for the matter, parents must bear in mind that the child is also struggling through the process, fearing of being an outcast. The child's interest should be of prime importance instead of stepping into the blame game. Parents should also feel proud that the child is willing to share his/her fears, worries and anxiety with them. Over-reacting parents will only make the child feel uncomfortable, which leads him/her to become more reserved.

The Caitlin Ryan's Family Acceptance Project from the California State University claims that based on their study, homosexual youths "who experienced high levels of rejection from their families during adolescence were more likely to have attempted suicide and develop high levels of depression, use of illegal drugs and be at higher risk for HIV disease, as compared to those who experienced little or no rejection from parents."

Therefore, parents who refuse to accept the child for who he/she is and think that they can 'straighten' the child's sexual orientation as time goes by can actually adversely affect the child's life.  No doubt the process of accepting one's child's homosexual orientation can be a long and challenging process, which cannot be resolved simply with a family discussion, but it is for the benefit of both parties (parents and child) that the matter gets resolved as quickly as possible. Parents have to get past trying to identify or classify if their child is 'truly' homosexual or not. It is more important to make an effort to learn and understand their child's needs and accept them for who they are.

So far, only 11 nations and other jurisdictions have made same-sex marriage legal since the year of 2001 . In December 2011, the president of the United States, Barrack Obama signed a presidential memorandum to provide foreign aid to combat discrimination against homosexuals abroad. This order not only promotes homosexual rights but also to engage international organisations in the fight against LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) discrimination.



Authors: Tey Sze Chze

Copyright © 2012 Sandhya Maarga Holistic Living Resources
Holistic Living Annex (OCTOBER 2012)